From Where I Stand by Caroline Goldberg Igra

Author:Caroline Goldberg Igra
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Koehler Books
Published: 2021-12-04T00:00:00+00:00

MIKE

ONE MORE QUIET DINNER. IT was hard to get used to the feel of our house come evening. We’d never experienced Grand Forks without Belle. Her energy, her comings and goings, the recap of the day gone by and the anticipation of the one that lay ahead had always been a driving force. In some ways I was as relieved by the entrance of Julie into Lizzy’s life as she. Tales of their meetings enlivened conversations that might otherwise have fallen flat and stalled. We both missed Belle desperately.

“What can I help with?” Elizabeth stood behind me at the refrigerator, staring inside as though searching for a pot of gold. I gently closed the doors and pointed her to the table.

“Just have a seat. It’s all ready.”

Although Elizabeth had done most of the food preparation over the years, the task recently fell to me. It was another marker of the change we’d undergone as a household, ushered into the empty nest with a shove rather than a gentle nudge. It would take some time to get used to. The entire beat of life was different, albeit still strongly colored by Lizzy’s concerns. Although occupied by her new role as mentor, much of her attention now solidly elsewhere, removed from the ins and outs of our little life, she maintained a strong vigilance regarding Belle’s new life. I was the conduit, the one who knew whatever either Belle or Lillian had decided to share.

Lizzy tried not to demand a replay of every communication, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to know. In fact, she was desperate to. Her seemingly casual approach to the whole subject was part of a concerted effort to pull back and relinquish control. She seemed to understand that whatever she’d done in the past hadn’t worked—that she needed to ease up and leave enough room for Belle to, at some point, come walking back in. This was a fragile time, but a dear one. We both approached it as a chance to renegotiate our own relationship, severely damaged by old habits that had gotten the better of us and turned ugly, caught in the maelstrom that preceded Belle’s departure. It was time to turn inwards, to listen and hopefully heal.

“I think you’ll really like the pasta. The sauce is based on a mixture of overcooked zucchini, garlic, and parmesan—all favorites.” I smiled as I took my seat beside her, feeling some of the anticipation of the new groom.

“Any word today?”

I laughed, twirling a sizeable amount of linguine around my fork. “No holding back tonight, huh?”

“Well. If you feel like talking about it.”

I noticed she hadn’t started to eat; her hands still lay in her lap.

“Wait. Is there something I missed?”

“No, no. It’s not that. It’s just a feeling. Well, a feeling provoked by a text.”

I stopped chewing mid-bite. “What about?”

Lizzy reached out and touched my hand. “Hey, it’s nothing. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

I lay my fork down at the edge of my plate. “What’s up, Lizzy?”

“Okay.

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